11/30/11
Nothing much about me has changed, but a lot has changed. I am still grasping for air, as I continue to drown in this terrible state of… I don’t know what to call it. As I’m using all my energy to fight it off and flee from it, I grow defensive and angry with those who have no idea who they’re messing with and are unaware of how much more I can take. This strength few people claim they see in me is nothing but a fraud. But I’m alive now, so I guess that doesn’t make me weak, or so I hope. Sometimes, I feel I have the right to feel sorry for myself because I never asked for this life. Inner or “cerebral” problems are overtaking me, while outside problems are stabbing me in every direction. But I know that self-pity will get me nowhere. So, what’s the solution? I’m trying my best not to be bitter, and I’m trying my best to be joyful still. Maybe something great will come out of this, or at least something good. I can only hope.
